jennsmithifer

Grace Alone by The Modern Post

I was an orphan, lost at the fall; Running away when I’d hear you call

 But Father, you worked your will.

I had no righteousness of my own; I had no right to draw near your throne,

But Father, you loved me still.

And in love, before you laid the world’s foundation,

You predestined to adopt me as your own.

You have raised me up so high above my station;

I’m a child of God by grace, and grace alone.

You left your home to seek out the lost; You knew the great and terrible cost

But Jesus, your face was set.

I worked my fingers down to the bone; But nothing I did could ever atone,

But Jesus, you paid my debt.

By your blood I have redemption and salvation.

Lord you died that I might reap what you have sown,

And you rose that I might be a new creation.

I am born again by grace, and grace alone.

I was darkness all of my life, I never knew the day from the night,

But Spirit, you made me see.

I swore I knew the way on my own; Head full of rocks, a heart made of stone

But Spirit, you moved in me.

And At your touch my sleeping spirit was awakened;

On my darkened heart the light of Christ has shone.

Called into a kingdom that cannot shaken;

Heaven’s citizen by grace, and grace alone.

So I’ll stand in faith by grace, and grace alone

I will run the race by grace, and grace alone

I will slay my sin by grace, and grace alone

I will reach the end by grace, and grace alone

After, I don’t [want to] know how long, I finally found a new job. I was walking on sunshine the last two weeks at my prior job, so relieved that the tiresome search was finally over. I am still very thankful.

Up until Friday, the 5th, things at my new job were going as smoothly as one could expect for starting a new job. Friday was rough: a blaring reminder that I don’t, in fact, know everything.

Long story short, a strange mental phenomenon kept happening on Friday. Nothing seemed to be going right. Almost every decision, every question, was a wrong turn. I felt like a Murphy’s Law falcon had shat on a gear shift in my head…. I could write many more descriptive idioms and metaphors…. but I will move forward.

Bottom line, my confidence and security have been shaken. I have to remind myself that the Lord is the Beloved Controller of all things. I don’t know what lies ahead for this new job. This momentary struggle could be an anomaly, or the beginning of a series of more unfavorable outcomes — all I can really do is my best and leave the rest to the Big Man upstairs.

 I find it kind of amusing but mostly sad that even though God has never abandoned me, my thoughts and my actions rarely are a reflection of that.

If nothing else, difficutly certainly pinpoints where the wieght of my trust falls. And more often than not, my trust falls on untrustworthy things. Hopefully, everything will smooth over soon. 

In April, I think, I started running. My intent was to be in good-enough shape to run a 5k. I’m still not sure what was appealing enough about that idea for me to actually follow through. You see, I have always had a serious interest deficit in all things athletic. But here I am, many trials and failures later, able to run 4 miles straight without my body falling apart (lets just say I was no where near that point when I began this journey). 

I like how it feels when it seems I’ve run a long distance. There are some places on my usual path where the road/sidewalk goes into a cul-de-sac. I really don’t like those places because once I’ve come out of the other side, I can look back and it looks like I haven’t gone very far.

Even more so, I don’t like those seasons in my life. The past year and a half has been a big-ass cul-de-sac. I’ve been moving along, but not in places I necessarily want to go. Especially when pain, frustration, and disappointment are thrown in as some hurdles along the way. It is incredibly easy to discount the importance of seasons like these because they’re not pleasant. And its also very easy to become bitter and resentful when going through difficulty. I’m sure I’ve done everything someone can do wrong during this difficult season in my life, a lot of it without even being aware. And at times it looks and feels like I’ve even gone backwards. But I’m thankful I can always reflect upon how far God has brought me and has never left me — even if I’m still in the general area I don’t want to be. And He never will leave me. And I hope that I better learn that even the ugly places are good when God is with me. 

When I considered opening an online shop for designing miscellaneous things, this is not quite what I pictured. But I am totally okay with that! On a side note, this is a work-in-progress for a bachelorette party invitation. And I felt like a total creeper sketching a woman in a bath robe at work. The person I’m designing this for specifically requested a lady with a satin robe and high heels, holding a drink.

And specified nothing else, I might add. 

The heart wants what it wants, I suppose.

The ambiguity of the request, of course,  led my mind to probably the very opposite of what this person had in mind — i.e. a granny in a bath robe with faded tattoos holding a beer can, cigarette in mouth. But I keep it professional, people. But I might do that as my own personal side project if I ever find myself running out of ideas. 

  All silliness aside, the magnitude of enjoyment I get out of designing things is off the charts. And the more I’m challenged, the more I love it. I still have not had “formal” education for graphic design. But I’ve still come a long way. Most of my progress has been made many nights of instructional youtube videos and other forms of self-directed study. I am looking forward to the Design Tech classes I will be taking in the Fall and Spring… Which Fall is not that far away now that I think about it! Eeep! Anyone got an extra $600 laying around they’d want to use to pay for my class? Anyone? No? P.S. my paypal email is jennsmithifer@gmail.com.. just thought I’d throw that out there… 

Better get back to work. I am not as far a long with this as I had planned.

I really pray I can live in this frame of mind/spirit more often, if not all of the time. This afternoon the weight of God’s goodness, love, mercy, grace (the list goes on) really… just kind of smacked my heart in the face, so to speak. By God’s grace, my self-entitled, arrogant, judgmental, sinful heart will be continually generated into something that is closer and closer to what God’s intentions are for it, for all of my numbered days.

I know that more often than not, I do not outwardly reflect God’s love and goodness. I admittedly have a propensity towards sarcasm, cynicism, and sometimes even disbelief in what God wants for my life. But because of the work Jesus completed on the cross and through his resurrection, I am clothed in the virtue he displayed incarnate and is displaying in spirit today. Its by God’s grace alone that I even desire God. I have the freedom in Jesus Christ, to turn from all of the aforementioned things (again and again). And absolutely nothing can take that freedom away. Jesus is alive. He is good. He loves us. And he wants to restore us. Celebrate. 

Howdy. I am back on the tumblr horse. And for the record, I would not willingly ride an actual horse named tumblr. That has ‘bad idea’ written all over it. ANYway. I chose new theme/design for this blog. Thank you, anonymous html code-writer. My blog appears to be more culturally relevant than it really is! And I chose to re-integrate it into facebook, for those who may or may not care to read. I try to keep things real but not too real for public viewing. There is a line, people. Although I do like the thought of pushing that proverbial line every once in a while. But I probably won’t because I’m too old and too busy to care.

I just need an outlet for creativity, bottom line. One of the beauties of digital media (if that term even applies to what I’m writing about) is that I don’t have to buy art supplies. If I tried to create some sort of goal or purpose to this, it would stifle my sometimes whimsical brain. And who knows what sort of genius the world might miss out on. HA. I jest.

Well I am now going to make myself look presentable to do facetime with my friend who is living on mission in India. Yeah….. I tried to get her to start a blog but she wouldn’t because she said she isn’t good at expressing herself (which I happen to disagree with that excuse). I am still going to try to convince her that she could write about her day in the most cut and dry way possible, and it would be 10 billion times more interesting than anything I could ever have to write about at this time.

Yes, 10 billion times. I did the math. It took a long time. Carrying those dang zeroes caused me to start over a couple of times. Ok, I’m really done this time.

I went on a “ride-along” looking at houses with my mom yesterday (she’s a real estate agent). I am always casually perusing the market for
possible houses because the next time
I move, it will be into a house that I buy. That’s the plan.

Among the many things I look for in a
space, I try to determine how accommodating it would be for a
C-group (community group) for my church. I really want to start one once I get my own place.

One of the houses he looked at yesterday had an amazing front porch than can comfortably hold 10-15 people. The layout of the inside of the house was open and just awesome. The house was just perfect for what I have in mind for my next living situation.

And the first thing that caught my eye in the cute little kitchen was a Frontline (the name of my church) sticker near the key holder on the wall. Hmmm. :-)

I have a feeling it won’t be the house I end up purchasing because of what appears to be foundational issues. But it was sort of an affirming experience to know that there are houses that exist that match what my price is and what I am looking for.

I have begrudgingly accepted that winter is over and spring is emerging. Sick. What can I say, I really, really like cold weather. I love wearing layers, watching [the sorry excuse Oklahoma has for] snow, cuddling (despite that I’ve had to cuddle with myself this year), and the like. Spring is the antithesis of who I am: relentlessly cheerful, rife with pastels, and void of sarcasm — ok, I may have made up that last one. BUT I get wicked bad allergies if I’m not doped up on Zyrtec everyday during springtime, to add to my first-world problems. 

Even though I don’t care for the weather, this new season brings new hope of a new season of more clarity. I sense I will be able to see more evidence that I am on the path that God has for me. The past several months haven’t been the most pleasant. An unexpected turn of events occurred that left me disillusioned, frustrated (so much there needs to be a new word for it), and just flat out exhausted. 

And even though it doesn’t quite feel like it lately, my life is still going in a forward motion. I have had a serious lack of vision (both figuratively and literally) for my life, for too long and it is time for it to be brought into focus.

… Because I can.

I worked on this for hours on Tuesday night. But adobe decided to erase everything but the paths before I had saved anything. And the subsequent explicatives ensued.

I started over last night. I probably could have finished a lot sooner if I decided to turn off Bones and not take Rock Band breaks on my phone.

I don’t know what purpose this serves other than a finished product to show for my Illustrator experiments.